Having positive relationships with your family, foster carers and friends is really important.
Good relationships will help you feel good about yourself and give you the support that you need, when you need it. But if you’ve got problems in any of these relationships, you might feel sad or anxious.
Check out these pointers to think about whether any of your relationships need some TLC.
Foster carers
Your foster carer or foster carers will have a huge influence in your life. Living with them gives you a safe space where you can develop your own values, ideals and coping strategies. It’s important that the relationship between you is steady and stable. Stress with foster carers can be because of:
- School struggles: You’ve got to deal with the expectations of loads of different people – your foster carers as well as your
social worker, teachers and others. This might cause friction between you and your foster carers. - Opinion clashes: You might argue if you’ve got different viewpoints and you could feel that your voice isn’t being heard.
- Wanting more independence: You may feel that the adults around you are uncompromising or treating you like a child.
- Family changes: Being separated from your family can be difficult to adjust to, and you might feel angry, confused or upset.
Talk about everyday stuff to your foster carer – AND DO IT EVERY DAY!
Chatting regularly can build a bond that can make the difficult times pass more smoothly. When your foster carers feel connected to your daily life, they can be there for you when something really important or awkward comes up.
Talk about something you watched on Netflix. Share something one of your teachers said. Even small talk about what’s for dinner can keep your relationship strong and comfortable.
By the way, if you feel that you need help expressing your opinion to your foster carers, the Wales Advocacy Service could help.
Advocacy is about having someone to listen to you. It can help you to tell the people who make decisions about your life what you think and how you feel. They are not part of Social Services, but they do work with children and young people in many different situations.
Friends
Making and keeping friends can be difficult, especially if you have moved around or changed schools a lot. Stress with friends can be because of:
- Peer pressure: The fear of feeling left out can mean you’re encouraged to try out harmful activities such as binge drinking, smoking, or taking drugs.
- Falling out: You might argue with friends about something silly or something serious.
- Being fostered: You could feel as though you’ve lost friends if you’ve just moved into foster care and they don’t understand your life any more.
Your friends might feel left out of all the things that have been going on in your life. They might even want to help but they’re scared of being nosy.
Share some things about what’s been going on for you – but only tell them what you feel comfortable with. They might not know what foster care is. You can explain that you’re still the same friend, but you just live with another family, and your social worker might have a leaflet you can give to them. Make sure they know you appreciate their support, and how much their friendship means to you.
Have you thought of chatting to your foster carer? Ask them if you could invite your mates for a sleepover so they can see for themselves that where you live is no different from where your friends live.
Romantic relationships
Having a boyfriend or girlfriend can be brilliant and tricky at the same time. Stress with boyfriends and girlfriends can be because of:
- Sex: Deciding if or when to have sex for the first time can be a major worry. Make sure that you’ve got all the facts and don’t feel pressured to do something that doesn’t feel right.
- Balancing other commitments: Getting into a serious relationship can sometimes feel overwhelming. It can be difficult learning to manage school and give time to your romantic life too.
- Breaking up: Breaking up will always be hard and upsetting, but it’s important that you feel able to get out of difficult relationships.
Remember to keep communicating with your partner – this doesn’t just have to be talking, but doing nice things for each other, laughing together or even chatting online.
Did your relationships pass the healthcheck?
If you’re worried about something in any of your relationships, it’s important to get help. Talk to your foster carer or another trusted adult straight away. If that’s difficult for you, call Meic on 080880 23456 or text 84001 or call or text Childline on 0800 1111.